Has your toddler recently started waking up often throughout the night? Or, have they always been quite wakeful, but you’re starting to wonder why, when you’re already doing everything to support their sleep, including:

• You’re co-sleeping, so you’re meeting their biological need for closeness, and you’re right there beside them to respond to their needs overnight. 

• Your little one is active during the day, and has plenty of time outdoors. 

• Perhaps you’ve tried white noise, music, silence, different room temperatures, different bedding, limiting screen time, and lots of one-on-one play to connect before bed. A calm bedtime, an earlier one, a later one…but nothing seems to make a difference! 

You already understand that night waking is developmentally normal for babies and toddlers, but you’re asking yourself (and the internet!) what exactly are the reasons behind your toddler waking every 1-3 hours.

There may even be a little voice in your head (or perhaps it’s a family member’s voice) that says toddlers should be sleeping through the night. It’s even harder when you hear from friends that their child of the same age is finally sleeping longer stretches. 

What your toddler’s frequent night waking is NOT caused by

If you have asked yourself any of the following questions, here are some answers that can help inform any decisions you might be considering surrounding sleep.

‘Is it because I breastfeed or cuddle them to sleep?’ 

Night weaning your toddler from breastfeeding or any other soothe-to-sleep method can improve sleep for some families, but there are no guarantees that it’s going to make any difference after all that effort, or it could potentially lead to more waking. Much of it depends on temperament, stage of development, and how strong an attachment a child has to the sleep association. 

‘Is it because I didn’t teach them to self-settle?’

This is one of the biggest myths coming out of the sleep training industry, but it can be hard to ignore. This is your reminder that you never need to teach your child to settle themselves to sleep. Yes, you can give them opportunities to fall asleep independently (as long as it isn’t distressing), but many little ones prefer some support to sleep. This isn’t why they’re waking throughout the night, though. You’re beautifully attuned and responsive to your little one, so there’s no need to change that. 

‘Is it time to give them their own sleep space?’

If you’re bedsharing and you feel like your toddler is waking because they need more space now (or you do), you could experiment with a co-sleeper cot or mattress beside yours. But, more space won’t necessarily help if there’s something underlying getting in the way of biologically normal sleep. Read on to find out what that could be. 

So, why is your toddler still waking up multiple times overnight?

Before we jump into the top 5 potential reasons that your co-sleeping toddler is waking up often, let’s define what is within the range of developmentally normal, and what could be a red flag that there is something underlying that is making sleep challenging.

It could be their temperament (that they’re born with)

No one sleeps through the night. All humans wake briefly between sleep cycles, but some need help to get back to sleep. Many toddlers wake during the night. Sleep can be even harder for our highly sensitive little ones, or our ‘orchid’ children. They can take longer to reach a calm nervous system state to surrender to sleep, and many seem to need less sleep overall than their ‘dandelion’ peers (who are naturally more resilient to stress).

How many times a night is normal for a toddler to wake?

You may have heard that a toddler waking more than once or twice overnight is outside of normal. However, if your little one wakes a few times a night, has a quick feed and goes back to sleep, I wouldn’t be too concerned (unless it’s becoming problematic for you). 

But if your toddler is waking consistently every hour or two, takes a long time to go back to sleep, or struggles at bedtime, then there could be something else at play. Let’s look at the top 5 underlying reasons for this, along with some simple tips to identify and address it. 

Top 5 reasons your co-sleeping toddler is waking up multiple times a night 

Sleep pressure is our ‘drive’ to sleep at night. For little ones, this is impacted by how much day sleep they’re having, sleep timings, and daytime activity. In other words, is your toddler tired enough at the end of the day for a long stretch of sleep?

While some toddlers still need a morning and afternoon nap until 18 months, others have completely dropped their naps by 2 years. That’s why it’s important not to compare your child to another, or follow prescriptive, one-size-fits-all sleep schedules based on ages. Instead, follow your child’s cues. 

One of the top reasons for bedtime resistance and frequent night waking is due to sleep pressure being too low. This usually occurs when bedtime is too early, there’s too much day sleep, or if they’ve had a wakeful night but they’re sleeping in late in the morning. Falling back to sleep in the morning can be like a nap that reinforces the night waking. 

You can experiment with waking them earlier in the morning, reducing naps, or giving them a later bedtime. Whatever you choose, try one strategy at a time consistently for two to three weeks. That’s how long it takes to reset their little body clocks. 

Your toddler is sleeping right next to you, so how could they be anxious about separation? Separation anxiety is a developmentally normal stage that can peak at different times during the first few years. 

So, if your little one is showing signs of distress during the day when you say goodbye or even when you leave the room, chances are they’ll be waking more to seek you out in the night to get close to you. Responding with compassion and patience (rather than with further separation) will help this phase to pass. 

A toddler’s imagination starts to become very active between around 2-3 years of age (it can blossom earlier or later than this). Your toddler’s brain is still very immature, so they can’t easily discern between what’s imaginary and what’s real. This is a period when many children become scared of the dark, see strange things in the night, or have bad dreams. 

Here are some quick tips if that sounds what’s going on for your toddler:

• Introduce a red night light so the room isn’t as dark. 
• Validate their feelings and fears. For example, instead of: ‘You’re safe in your room, there’s no such thing as monsters’, you could say: ‘I can see you’re scared of the dark. I’m here for you. Do you need a cuddle?’

Toddlers are very active (both in their body and brain!), but are pretty notorious for eating a limited variety of foods throughout the day. If you have a typical toddler who would rather graze on rice crackers and fruit all day rather than sit down to your lovingly cooked meal, then there’s a good chance they might actually be hungry overnight. 

Even for the ones who have eaten a good variety of food, they may still get the tummy rumbles during the night. Going 12 hours or more between dinner and breakfast might just be too long. 

Offering a bedtime snack that’s packed with protein and fats is a great idea, particularly if dinner was early (or non-existent). 

This is a huge topic, and there could be any number of underlying causes of sleep challenges. Aside from the more common causes, such as teething and illness, here is a condensed list of common culprits (some may surprise you!):

• Nutrient deficiencies
• Dietary sensitivities and allergies
• Gut health issues
• Nervous system dysregulation
• Environmental allergies and intolerances
• Environmental toxins
• Feeding issues
• Oral-motor dysfunction
• Sleep-disordered breathing
• Other medical conditions

If you suspect any of the above, please trust your gut, and speak to your healthcare professional. If you’re not sure where to start, feel free to reach out to me for a holistic assessment. My specialty is in identifying the underlying causes of a child’s sleep challenges, and either helping parents to address them or referring them to the necessary practitioners. 

Kara Wilson is a certified infant and family sleep specialist, mama, gentle parenting writer, and passionate advocate for children’s wellbeing. Her approach to sleep is an alternative to traditional sleep training. It is gentle, holistic, attachment-focused, responsive, and individualised. You can book a complimentary discovery call with her and find out more at Nurtured Infancy or email nurturedinfancy@gmail.com